I truly don't know what I need right now. I don't know if I am going through a transition phase due to the new daycare adventure or if, dare I say it, I am not cut out for the exact thing that I wanted so badly. I have been really down the last few weeks. I feel alone fairly often. Not alone in the sense that I need "someone" around really. More alone in my own head, if that makes sense. When I was working at Dara's, I always had someone that I could vent to. There were so many people around that cared for me, I never felt like I was out of the loop. I made friends easily and was complimented often. I'm feeling frustrated with myself now, more than ever. I have so much time to think and be "alone in my head" that I am dwelling on everything that Im unhappy with my life right now. I know I am blessed with my great family and the ability to be able to stay home with my kids. But with the amount of stress that I have put on myself with lack of money, I wonder if it was the right thing to do. I wish that I didn't question myself so much. I wish that I could just let things be and trust that we will always be fine. I'm not used to being so candid, especially for the world to see :) Maybe this will serve as a little bit of therapy for me, just to be able to write down my feelings will be freeing?
I'm sorry, I know this is kind of dismal. I'll end this with a little bit better news tho. I started filling out enrollment and financial aid forms yesterday to start online classes for summer of 2009 at Barton community college. I would like to get my associates online and then transfer either to Ft. Hays online or KSU to finish my undergrad. Then I will be graduated by the time that Peyton starts school in 5 years. Maybe this will put me on the right track and feel like I am doing something productive in making my best life.
15 hours ago