Resolution list.

I know its a little early, but with the list I'm about to share I figured I would need some time to gain focus and come up with a plan. I usually don't partake in the silliness of making New Year's resolutions, but next year is going to be my best year so far. I'm putting it out there and keeping the end result in mind. I am in a position right now that I could be completely at peace with a little effort and re-focusing. By the way, this list has been constructed over the last month, so lots of thought has gone into each resolution. Here's my top 10 :)
1. To respect myself and put myself first. Whether that means telling people what I need or changing the situation to get where I want to be.
2. To put my kids needs first only after my own so that I can be a better mom to them.
3. To keep up with bills and get completely out of debt by 2010.
4. To flush my life of toxic people and surround myself with people who will help me better myself.
5. To expect more from others.
6. To lose my last 10 lbs and then maintain (healthfully of course)
7. To grow my daycare business.
8. To be productive and full of energy, at least, maybe 80% of the time :)
9. To be back in college by August of '09
10. To be unconditionally happy and to know that I am creating my own happiness, no one else is responsible for that.
What are your resolutions?

T-day Pics

After that craziness, I'll throw in some pictures for your viewing pleasure. These were stolen from cousin Sarah, so the credit goes to her. Thanks, Sarah :)

Putting it all out there.

I truly don't know what I need right now. I don't know if I am going through a transition phase due to the new daycare adventure or if, dare I say it, I am not cut out for the exact thing that I wanted so badly. I have been really down the last few weeks. I feel alone fairly often. Not alone in the sense that I need "someone" around really. More alone in my own head, if that makes sense. When I was working at Dara's, I always had someone that I could vent to. There were so many people around that cared for me, I never felt like I was out of the loop. I made friends easily and was complimented often. I'm feeling frustrated with myself now, more than ever. I have so much time to think and be "alone in my head" that I am dwelling on everything that Im unhappy with my life right now. I know I am blessed with my great family and the ability to be able to stay home with my kids. But with the amount of stress that I have put on myself with lack of money, I wonder if it was the right thing to do. I wish that I didn't question myself so much. I wish that I could just let things be and trust that we will always be fine. I'm not used to being so candid, especially for the world to see :) Maybe this will serve as a little bit of therapy for me, just to be able to write down my feelings will be freeing?
I'm sorry, I know this is kind of dismal. I'll end this with a little bit better news tho. I started filling out enrollment and financial aid forms yesterday to start online classes for summer of 2009 at Barton community college. I would like to get my associates online and then transfer either to Ft. Hays online or KSU to finish my undergrad. Then I will be graduated by the time that Peyton starts school in 5 years. Maybe this will put me on the right track and feel like I am doing something productive in making my best life.

Addiction.

I just want to apologize for slacking on posts the last week. Because of a wonderful friend, I have become hopelessly addicted to the twilight series books. I am about 200 pages from finishing the 4th book after starting the first book just last Thursday. Needless to say, between the time spent changing diapers, making dinner and reading, there hasn't been much time for anything else. Wes was criticizing me (in a joking way of course) last night about the amount of money I had dumped into this in the last week. I have to admit, its a bit ridiculous. After 4 books, the soundtrack and a movie ticket, it has added up. But I had to graciously remind him the price difference in our hobbies and mine are definitely still more reasonable :) Anyway, if you don't have the time to devote to finishing the series, don't start! Wes asked me about why I couldn't get away from them and the only thing I could compare it to was stopping a great movie during the best parts. Speaking of movies, Twilight was eh. I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it, but unless you already had the passion for the story, the acting was lacking and it was incredibly cheesy in parts. I found myself laughing out loud during some of the more intense parts in the movie. But I didn't feel guilty about it b/c the movie was exactly as the book described (although missing some very important parts, in my opinion). Time to get some sleep, wanted to post as a distraction to get away from the book and go to bed :)